Sunday, May 23, 2010

A roller coaster ride of a weekend.

As the time approaches us quickly for moments to absorb they pass us too fast like a thief in the night or better yet a freight train without breaks . For months graduation was quickly apporaching, at times it seemed as though it couldn't get here fast enough.

This weekend the train left the staion full speed ahead. In the midst of the planning and being slightly overwhelmed I almost let it zip by, but instead I grabbed on to that train and held on tight with my eyes wide open.

This weekend I was a nervous wreck. I couldnt think straight. I was forgetting things. My emotions are flying inside me like the biggest and fastest roller coaster at six flags. You know the one you anticipate riding and then almost change your mind when you are waiting in line? But you tough it out and hop on only to be whipped around up and down back and forth all while lauging and screaming at the top of your lungs. Well , I think that is where I am. Excitement beats out the fear, laughter holds back the tears and when it comes to a hault you are so exhilerated you are sad it is over. You get of that ride searching for the next.

Well the ride is over. The graduation came and went. However we did not leave the theme park yet...NEXT!!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

A surprise that made me cry tears of joy and relief....

Nearly two years ago my son had a photo displayed at the Museum of Tolerance here in Los Angeles. When the exhibit was over they displayed it in his school. Just last year he had one displayed at the Japanese Museum downtown. The center of the picture was the most beautiful cherry blossom tree. We framed that one and gave it to my parents for Christmas. It is absolutely beautiful. He's an amazing artist.

Well today I come home and his very first photo is there with a belated Mothers Day card. It said "Happy Mothers Day" (on the out side) "from someone who thinks your doing an amazing job" (on the inside). I was choked up just reading that. I'm thinking great he noticed. Then I proceeded to read the long sentimental dissertation inside. It was as if I was outside of my body witnessing every lesson I instilled in him unfold through the words right in front of my eyes. In his own words he expressed the answers to my greatest questions "Did anything I do or say sink in and what does my kid think of me?"

And I sobbed tears of joy and relief. I will forever remember this moment. I'm sure he will too. The day his mother cried all over his shirt.

I am so proud. Parents nothing we do for our kids is in vain.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Nostalgic Moments

So much is spinning and swirling inside of my mind. Not sure if there is anyone out there who may understand when you have several emotions that make up one emotion that you can't necessarily pinpoint the exact emotion. That's were I am. Jordan has nine more days left of school. That's great. Graduation is two weekends away. He turns eighteen next Saturday. I remember when I turned 18 and it just seemed like I instantly became an adult. Does anyone have any advice on how to be a parent to an 18 year old. :) Even though I have been lost in my thoughts I am still trying to take in the moments.

Yesterday we were up until 2:30 watching aVeronica Mars marathon. I know that show is random, but we were taking in the moment. Dang that show was good. I never even thought twice about it when it was on. We laughed together. About 3 episodes in I heard myself and realized I had been asking him a question about the show every 5 mins. It was funny. Surprisingly he wasn't telling me to stop talking like usual.

Last weekend I came home from doing his graduation invitations and I was talking to him and he said "stop being nostalgic." The interesting thing about that statement was that I wasn't talking about anything in particular he said it was the way I was looking at him. I just laughed and tried to play it off like I wasn't. Let's just say the kid was reading the subtext. So crazy every time I would coach him before an audition I would say "what are your thoughts behind the words." He was definitely in my thoughts behind my words.

Jordan has been petitioned by an advisor at school to exhibit a piece of art work. I know what doen't this kid do. Well, Saturday I come out of the room to a very nostalgic moment and I recorded it.